


Ghost

by TooDistasteful



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-28
Updated: 2014-11-28
Packaged: 2018-02-27 07:28:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2684399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TooDistasteful/pseuds/TooDistasteful
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You’ve been living with the ghost of your girlfriend’s ex for two years now, and it never gets easier. Post-35.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ghost

**Author's Note:**

> So, the fact that it's nearly 5am is typical, but the fact that I can't tell what I'm writing anymore means this wound up shorter than anticipated. It also was originally post-34, but thankfully, nothing really changed with 35 today, so it's still kind of relevant. I wish I'd done better with it, but what can you do (when you live in a very exhausted shoe)? Possibly a precursor to a new work (multi-chapter, adventure-style, all that good stuff) that I cooked up, we'll see!

You’ve been living with the ghost of your girlfriend’s ex for two years now, and it never gets easier. You thought you hated Carmilla when she was alive, and sure, you probably did – but you more than hate her now. You can’t stand her, and it’s all because she isn’t there, doing what you’re trying to do, loving Laura. But she’s doing it better, because she died for her. For all of you, but you figure that living in her shadow means you can stop paying thanks with reverent silence now. 

You’d always known that vampire was stupid. The moment you met her? Stupid. She’d looked through you more than at you, and you’d hated every moment of it. The vampire had always seemed to just know too much. The same way she had known that, ultimately, Laura was never going to be hers. She’d pulled you into that final battle to make sure that, when she whipped out that damn sword, Laura had someone to go back to, you’re sure of it.

But you’re twenty-five years old, and instead of being the sort of person who’s considering proposing, or anything even remotely like that, you’re stuck thinking about how you’ll never measure up to a dead girl. A twice-dead girl, in fact, because she was never really alive, not by the time any of you had met her. It never mattered to Laura, though, and that’s the hard part to swallow. If anything, you’re pretty sure the whole ‘vampire’ bit fascinated her. 

She’s a lot less fascinated by you being a werewolf. You had thought that, maybe, she’d like that just as much. If anything, though, she just seemed kind of disappointed that you didn’t use your ‘wolfy’ abilities to aid Carmilla when she went down into that light swinging. What were you supposed to do? Transform right then and there, lose control and start ripping apart your friends? She maybe forgave you a bit after your first full moon together, truly together, where you had to be locked into an old boiler room on campus so you didn’t tear her to shreds. It’s embarrassing, knowing you still don’t have a handle on that, and the other girls in the Summer Society, your former pack, they all look at you strangely for not enjoying the night once a month now.

You have too many people you care about to be that reckless anymore, though. And one person whom you’re so in love with that you’ll do nearly anything for – including wait around, dying inside, praying you’ll someday stop living in Carmilla’s shadow, hoping that someday there won’t be any trace of her left between the pair of you.

You know it’s a foolish hope, but you wish for it anyway, because right now, this thing where you’re giving it your all and your kisses with your girlfriend still feel half-empty. She doesn’t give, not the way that you do, and you can’t even find it in yourself to be mad or indignant or upset or anything beyond depressed. It isn’t her fault that she fell in love. It isn’t her fault that her stupid, useless vampire had to go be a big goddamn hero. 

But none of it’s your fault either, and someday, you hope she understands that. You’ve been tempted to break up with her, of course you have, but then what? She tries to make a go with some girl who doesn’t know? You’re the only one this could even kind of work with. You’re stuck. 

You’re stuck because if you leave, the girl that you’re in love with becomes nothing but a tombstone for some undead memory of a girl. And that isn’t right either.

You’ve been living with the ghost of your girlfriend’s ex for two years now, and it’s never going to be easy. But you hope that maybe, someday down the road, it’ll stop destroying you.


End file.
